Mary Scarlet

Tales of drivebys and cowardice

I thought I was pretty much beyond it, honestly, and then this happened today.

The scene: a hallway outside my office. I am talking to a (female) colleague ... when will we be having the holiday "security meeting" ... how much scotch is left in that bottle from last time... the usual Wednesday afternoon stuff.

Another colleague (also female) I know only very slightly walks by and says, "When are you gonna have a baby?"

Me: [stunned silence] "... Uh, I don't know, is that how we're greeting each other these days? [recovering slightly] When are YOU having a baby?"

Her: "No, my kids are grown, I'm done!"

Me: [laughing uncomfortably, backing away]

Later, as I was relaying this story to a good friend, who also happens to work with me and is the only person who actually knew about the pregnancy, and, I must admit, sort of congratulating myself that I didn't lose it totally, and isn't it great that I don't really get upset by these drivebys, though she's lucky she didn't get her head ripped off ... and what ever happened to the rule that you DON'T ASK SOMEONE IF THEY ARE PREGNANT UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY SEE A BABY COMING FROM THEIR VAGINA ... blah blah blah ... and my friend gets this uncomfortable look on his face [yes, he is a man, and yes, he is one of my best friends, and yes, he actually listens to me when I talk about this stuff].

So as it turns out, this same woman came up to him out of the blue in the week that I was pregnant that he knew I was pregnant before the miscarriage, and asked him almost the same question: "I've been watching Mary and, well, is she pregnant?"

You know where this is going, right? That instead of taking this to mean that a) she's a total bitchface, and b) I need to lose some weight because even random strangers are beginning to infer things, I've decided that it means that she is psychic and she has mysterious powers of seeing, and even though every medical test we've taken says the chances of it happening are beyond miniscule, somehow we have miraculously succeeded in conceiving naturally and SHE COULD SENSE IT with her evil powers, and it will all be kittens and lollipops from here on out.

La la la ... I'm not listening to you.

...well, it was a nice thought anyway...

Moving on to the cowardice portion of our program:

I received a copy of my chart. It has been sitting in my bedroom for five days. I took it to work over the weekend and made a photocopy, eyes clamped firmly shut so that I wouldn't accidentally read anything upsetting. I am afraid to look at it.

Help me.

-Mary Scarlet
Listning to "Steve Martin: A Wild and Crazy Guy" (see, esp, track 6, "...but listen to THIS ..." God I love Steve Martin)

p.s. Cute baby Christmas Card Count: 1

Fart sandwiches

Dangit, I wanted to be good about posting regularly again but time is flying by. I'm going to finish this post even though it sort of feels like I don't want to say any of the things I really should be saying.

I did talk to the nurse at my old RE's, who called when they got the letter asking for a copy of our records. She is lovely and she lives in my neighborhood and said she keeps expecting to run into me somewhere. Then I had to talk to the billing person and she was sweet too. Sigh.

So in case you didn't see that, we are now waiting for a copy of our records. I thought getting out the file to fight the last fight with the insurance company was painful. I can't decide if I want to look through the chart or not. There it will be in all its glory: every blood test, every semen analysis, every embryologist report. Hopefully something about the hydrosalpinx. Presumably something about the pregnancy and miscarriage.

So the question is, have you or would you read yours if you could? Or would you keep it in its envelope until you go to your new doctor? I obviously thought we should have our own copy or I would have let them do it doctor-to-doctor handover style. But now I'm not so sure.

btw, fight with sibling patched, apparently.